Home

Well, alas, my peace corps journey has ended. I have returned home or ET'ed. It was an increadible journey and I truely miss it and cherish every moment, but I know this is where I am supposed to be.

When we arrived in Kenya, so much was going through my head. I was nervous, excited, everything. But soon after getting to know everyone, my fears went away and soon I began the hard-core training. It seemed as soon as we touched down in Nairobi, we began our language and culture lessons. Soon we were taken to Kitui, where we would spend the next few months training for the next two years. We spent the first few days at the pastoral center while they prepped us for homestay. That's where most of us got to know each other. Then it was off to our homestay families. And that is where I began to have my first doubts about being there. I'll admit it was mostly my fear of my new "family", but after a few encouraging words from some of my best friends and a phone call home, I was ready to face Peace Corps Kenya.

My homestay mama was nothing like I expected her to be. She was a very strong woman with a gigantic heart. My siblings were the cutest things ever. My closest PCT was a girl that I became good friends with. We were in a all girl training group with one of my favorite trainiers Sam (it didn't hurt that he was cute, but alas, married). And as the weeks went by, I began to love Kenya.

But then I started feeling depressed. When I was at my house I wanted to be with my friends. When I was with my friends, I wanted to be at my house. When I was alone I wanted to be with tons of people and with people I wanted nothing more than to be by myself. I had so many conflicting emotions and soon it seemed that everytime I called home, all I wanted to do was go home. I was crying myself to sleep everynight and when I would fall asleep, my dreams would be horrible and realistic. Some of my closest friends were wearing on my last nerve. I know now that many of those syptoms had a lot to do with the Malaria Prophalaxtic I was taking, but I also knew to reconize when some of those feelings were my own.

However, I didn't want to appear to be a failure, in my own eyes as well as my family's eyes. So I hung in there. I switched my Malaria meds and sucked it up. i knew I would regret leaving if I didn't make it out to site. And finally it came. I was so nervous when we got our announcements and even though I was placed at a great site with an awesome group to work with, I cried. I knew then that I didn't want to be in Kenays no more, even though I loved the country. So I went to my site, and I tried to find reasons to go home. My house wasn't that good, the group didn't need me, whatever I could. But in the end I realized that it was me and not the site at all. So on the way back to training, I thought long and hard. I weighed all my options and knew that deep down, my time to go home had come.

My first instinct was to just leave and not tell anyone. I didn't want to be seen as a quitter by my peers or anything like that. But the bonds that I created with my peers was much stronger than that and before I knew it, I was crying on everyones shoulders and having a hard time saying good bye. I gave a tearful speech to show my appreciation to the trainers and my respect for my fellow volunteers. But in the end, I felt as though a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders.

I traved to Nairobi the same day I announced my decidion. I spent three days there and was very much relieved to have a close friend of mine there with me (she needed to be with medical staff). And as the plane finally arrived in Denver, I knew that home is where I was meant to be.

So now I am back home, and I have a great job. I am planning a trip back to visit all my friends and some days I miss Kenya terribly. But I believe that all things happen for a reason. I know that Kenya will always be a part of who I am and my experiences there have shaped me to the person I am, but for now, this is where I am supposed to be.

Next time......my experiences with Malaria......